Finally after 5 days of sick boys, no clean silverware, a living room that looked like a bomb hit it and about 4 hrs of sleep a day, I asked for help. I called my husband crying, well actually sobbing, and he came right home, despite his own daunting tasks of work and school. He asked me if there was someone I could call to help me for tomorrow and I told him no. I didn't want anyone to know I was feeling this way and I didn't want anyone to see my house so messy. After sleeping for a few hours and later talking with Shawn, I gained better perspective over my situation and realized I can ask for help and I have too. I called a couple friends, we talked for a bit and learned I am not alone. Just chatting bolstered my spirit and made me feel hopeful. I reminded myself that there are going to be hard days and weeks like this, but they are going to pass, and that many women, working moms and stay-at-home moms feel just this same way.
Maybe there are those who never feel the way I have felt, and to them I say, "teach me all you know!" I do though have dark moments of motherhood. I do wish I could do whatever I want, whenever I want. I do wish I could sleep 9 hrs a night, like I used too. I do wish I could contribute financially. But I know those days will come again. And I will then wish that I had sweet babies to smell and soft two year olds to hold.
This certainly is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, and I have a renewed feeling of connectedness to all those moms out there who have ever felt the way I do. Call me if you need me, call me to vent or celebrate or brag or cry. I will be here for you and I promise to call if I need someone, too. I have to say, thank goodness for the priesthood, thank goodness for a mom who is taking Nico for the weekend, thank goodness for a husband who would create so much more stress in his life to come to my rescue, and thank goodness for dear, dear friends who understand me. I love you all!
5 comments:
Oh Darling I do miss being close to you. I totally understand. Especially when you have a baby does it seem even more daunting. Because they need you to do everything for them. I have been feeling like this a bit too recently. Being pregnant and miserable I feel like poor DJ is doing everything. Maybe because he is. But I try to remember that I am lucky to have a husband who does not complain and is willing to support and love me. I know Shawn is that person for you too and we can't count ourselves among the lucky ones.
I love you I hope you can get some needed sleep and clean dishes. xxoo
I meant we can count not count. dumb
BTW we signed Lucas up for Little League in the spring! I am so excited.
Girlfriend! I wish I was there. I'm sorry you had a bad week, but it's those times that make good ones so much better! We can vent and laugh together when I get to Ventura in a week! Take care and hang in there!
Ok so when I read your entry I started to cry because you nailed exactly how I have been feeling lately! I am sorry you had a difficult week with no sleep and little guys that were sick!
You don't know how much I wish I lived down the street from you. Charlie would love to have friends come and play. I would love to be there to help in any way. I would come clean, no problem!
Thank you for sharing your feelings. Sometimes mom's just need to realize asking for help is not the end of the world. I know I need to really work on this. You are such an example to me, thank you!
I totally understand how you feel, I am a stay at home mom and I have called my Hubby at work for the same reason...and since I have no family and very few friends in this little town I have no one to call for support when times get tough. I have had those days when I feel overwhelmed, and I am looking at my son crawling around our dirty living room. I just have to remind myself that there are better days ahead, and to not give up. Stick with it, your doing great!!
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